4 January 2008

"If God hadn't meant us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them meat-flavoured!"

Notwithstanding actor availability/willingness, though discounting deceased actors or characters, natch... here are ten former characters of Coronation Street who should be brought back:-

1 - Hilda Ogden
2 - Spider Nugent
3 - Curly Watts
4 - Suzie Birchall
5 - Andy McDonald
6 - Shelley Unwin
7 - Karen Phillips
8 - Toyah Battersby
9 - Eddie Yeats
10 - Tanya Pooley (please)

And here are ten of the current characters who are now probably dispensible:-

1 - Ashley Peacock
2 - Claire Peacock
3 - Doreen Fenwick
4 - Maria Sutherland
5 - Molly Compton
6 - Bill Webster
7 - Carla Connor
8 - Kelly Crabtree
9 - Paul Clayton
10 - Janice Battersby

More earnestly, here's a short memo to the Granada whipcrackers for 2008:-

1 - Accept the sexuality of Sean and Marcus and make them act like a loving couple more. They were the only couple in the Rovers on New Year's Eve who weren't seen kissing.
2 - Get Dev a girlfriend.
3 - Give Simon Gregson one of those lifetime contracts currently owned by Bill Roache and Eileen Derbyshire.
4 - Make the characters in Audrey's salon actually look like they've had their hair done in some way when they turn up in the cafe later.
5 - Stop depicting newspaper reporters as absolute scumbags.
6 - Give David Platt a rest and some stability.
7 - Decide whether Kelly Crabtree actually has any purpose whatsoever other than to show her legs and wear luminous clothing.
8 - When Vera dies, let Jack grieve onscreen as much as possible and bring out Bill Tarmey's calibre.
9 - Keep Liz and Vernon together, but allow Jim to remain on the ether.
10 - Have something unpleasant and humiliating, but not fatal, happen to Blanche.

It's still the best drama and the best comedy on telly.

4 comments:

Steve said...

Bring back Reg Holdsworth! Is he havin' a laff - I'm sure Ricky Gervaise modelled his character on him!

Matthew Rudd said...

I could not stand Reg Holdsworth. Unamusing, hammed and irritating.

And I loathe Ricky Gervais with the same amount of bile as I would your average serial killer...

Steve said...

Fair to assume you did not receive The Office boxed set for Christmas then...?

Bright Ambassador said...

Isn't Tanya now in Waterloo Road?