2 April 2009
I currently have possession of five footballs. They are of varying conditions, colours and makes, and none are especially well inflated.
They are in my possession, but they're not necessarily mine. All five are in my garage, having been found abandoned in bushes and on fields and in unlit streets while walking my dogs at all hours.
I'll rarely kick any of these balls around, but I hate to see good balls abandoned (actress, bishop etc) and so I've managed to carry them with me while also tugging four Basset hounds about and then safely deposit them in the garage upon returning home.
I once found an office chair in immaculate condition in the middle of the playing field, but didn't take that. I have limits. I think over time the local hobbledehoys shifted it across to the ravine at the side of the field. It's probably now in the Humber.
Footballs get lost easily - especially when I'm around - but what on earth possesses someone to put a chair in the middle of a field? Were they expecting John Cleese to turn up with an arcane mic and a dinner suit and make an announcement from it?