3 June 2009
If you decided to go into business, what would you do? I have much admiration for the self-employed. The revenue people claim I am self-employed because I tout my minimal skills around organisations for work, but the real self-employed are the ones who own businesses within bricks and mortar, have overheads, employ staff etc.
The only type of business I've ever been attracted to is a cattery. I think it'd be a fantastic way to make a living. There are a few in our circle of villages in the East Riding and I find myself checking each time I happen to drive past one whether it is for sale.
Cattery owners will shoot me down in flames, probably, but I'm guessing that it's a quite straightforward sort of place to run. All you need is a stack of luxury cat boxes with beds and toys and scratching posts and an endless supply of Whiskas, Pro-Plan and wooden chippings. Our five cats have never been to a cattery - we have good neighbours who'll feed them while we're away on the promise of a decent crate of French wine upon our return - but I'm guessing that you probably have to sign something which dictates that the cattery owner will not be liable for any emergency medical expenses while your moggy is in their care. There is that understanding with dog kennels, and the Bassets do go to our local canine campsite, but then again dogs are far more likely to come to harm than cats due to their very nature. Much as I adore dogs, running kennels seems too much like hard work. The only bit of it that would interest me would be the walking.
But aside from getting a few claw marks from the more uppity type of homesick puss, I reckon that I'd cope handsomely with looking after cats as a livelihood. I suspect cats in catteries do what they tend to do in the comfort of their own homes - sleep rather a lot, get up, eat something, go back to sleep again, get up, kick a toy mouse around, take a dump, and then go back to sleep again.
And while we're watching this happen, we're being paid. Ace. Is there one for sale near here?