4 January 2008

"If God hadn't meant us to eat animals, he wouldn't have made them meat-flavoured!"

Notwithstanding actor availability/willingness, though discounting deceased actors or characters, natch... here are ten former characters of Coronation Street who should be brought back:-

1 - Hilda Ogden
2 - Spider Nugent
3 - Curly Watts
4 - Suzie Birchall
5 - Andy McDonald
6 - Shelley Unwin
7 - Karen Phillips
8 - Toyah Battersby
9 - Eddie Yeats
10 - Tanya Pooley (please)

And here are ten of the current characters who are now probably dispensible:-

1 - Ashley Peacock
2 - Claire Peacock
3 - Doreen Fenwick
4 - Maria Sutherland
5 - Molly Compton
6 - Bill Webster
7 - Carla Connor
8 - Kelly Crabtree
9 - Paul Clayton
10 - Janice Battersby

More earnestly, here's a short memo to the Granada whipcrackers for 2008:-

1 - Accept the sexuality of Sean and Marcus and make them act like a loving couple more. They were the only couple in the Rovers on New Year's Eve who weren't seen kissing.
2 - Get Dev a girlfriend.
3 - Give Simon Gregson one of those lifetime contracts currently owned by Bill Roache and Eileen Derbyshire.
4 - Make the characters in Audrey's salon actually look like they've had their hair done in some way when they turn up in the cafe later.
5 - Stop depicting newspaper reporters as absolute scumbags.
6 - Give David Platt a rest and some stability.
7 - Decide whether Kelly Crabtree actually has any purpose whatsoever other than to show her legs and wear luminous clothing.
8 - When Vera dies, let Jack grieve onscreen as much as possible and bring out Bill Tarmey's calibre.
9 - Keep Liz and Vernon together, but allow Jim to remain on the ether.
10 - Have something unpleasant and humiliating, but not fatal, happen to Blanche.

It's still the best drama and the best comedy on telly.


Steve said...

Bring back Reg Holdsworth! Is he havin' a laff - I'm sure Ricky Gervaise modelled his character on him!

Matthew Rudd said...

I could not stand Reg Holdsworth. Unamusing, hammed and irritating.

And I loathe Ricky Gervais with the same amount of bile as I would your average serial killer...

Steve said...

Fair to assume you did not receive The Office boxed set for Christmas then...?

Bright Ambassador said...

Isn't Tanya now in Waterloo Road?