24 April 2008

Random irritations

Here are a few things that get my goat at the moment...

1 - Councils who spend money putting 'NO FOULING' signs on lamp-posts and stamping those yellow 'CLEAN IT UP' paint things on pavements to warn maniac dog owners who don't bag their pet's turds, yet spend no money on bins to put the stuff in once you've obeyed orders.

2 - Those ATM machines into which your card stutters rather than passes smoothly, making you panic just for a moment into believing your card is about to be swallowed.

3 - Women of severely restricted attractiveness who think they can get away with wearing tight tops with 'YOU WISH' emblazoned on them.

4 - The rise in the cost of fuel - do these decision-makers actually want us to work?

5 - Teenagers who text while crossing the road, often making them walk diagonally.

6 - Justin Timberlake constantly namechecking Madonna in that song they've done together.

7 - Football's multiball system - at Sheffield United last week the ballboys were instructed to throw an extra ball 'accidentally' on to the pitch whenever Hull City had a throw-in in order to slow the game down.

8 - National news coverage of London-centric stories, like the Mayoral campaign or how Capital Radio or Heart 106.2 are doing on RAJAR day.

9 - Fuel level predictors in cars which fluctuate suddenly from 56 miles to one mile, scaring the crap out of the driver.

10 - Daytime parcel deliverers not getting the hint and ringing the doorbell constantly until the nightshift worker finally gets his sorry arse out of bed.


Bright Ambassador said...

Point 8 - I concur, Steve Wright 'In the Afternoon' is THE most London-centric radio show. Ever. He's always banging on about Oyster cards, Ken Livingstone, The Evening Standard and his childhood 'all along The Old Kent Road' (or summat). The thing is, judging by those self-congratulatory emails he reads out, his listeners live outside the M25. And, if you DID live in London, why would you listen to him when you can listen to Danny Baker at the same time of day instead?
Apparently, who gets elected as Mayor is of national importance because of the economy. Don't believe it myself.

Can I add a point? I've just been phoned by British Gas to arrange a boiler and gas fire service appointment. In the space of the two minute phonecall the woman tried to sell me two other services. I really don't NEED my gas hob covered 'all for the peace-of-mind price of an extra £3.50 a month.' Whoever heard of a gas hob going wrong?

Mondo said...

And what about Take That -The Musical!! 'Never Forget' What in the name of Rodgers and Hammerstein is that all about.

I always thought they were like The Grumbleweeds meets The Bay City Rollers. Hopeless.

Jon Peake said...

Cash point cards have to stutter so they can't get read by dodgy machinery which will clone them.

Matthew Rudd said...

But only a handful of them do, and it doesn't stop you thinking there's something wrong with the machine and your card is about to vanish.

Mark X said...

The cash-card stutter makes me panic every time, even more so when it barely pops out again after a withdrawal. Without fail, thoughts rush around my head - if it were to be stuck just out of reach, should I dash into the supermarket frantically trying to find Someone Who Can Do Something and risk my card being stolen by someone with skinny fingers? Or stand around like a lemon hoping everything would be okay?

On the subject of supermarkets: when you've laid your shopping onto the little conveyor belt, and there's no spare 'next customer please' divider. The next shopper comes along, and proceeds to leave a gap of between twelve and eighteen inches between your shopping and theirs. Look, Lord frigging Snooty, I might purchase groceries largely comprising of ready meals, yoghurt, wine and fizzy pop, but MY SHOPPING DOESN'T HAVE FLEAS. There's no need for a sodding 'safety zone' between the two baskets, and there's very little chance I'm going to mistake your sodding organic muesli for my huge bag of Monster Munch, you massive pointless waste of skin. Honestly, it takes real effort not to beat some people senseless once the 'next customer please' divider is finally passed on to you.

And relax.