5 April 2008

Can't shake the feeling

I have never felt so tired in all my life.

Not just tired, but also full of fever.

Not just tired and full of fever, but lacking in appetite.

The last four days or so have been awful. The accident had probably tipped me over the edge and I've been totally without motivation to do anything except sleep.

I've still done what I've had to do - I've worked, I've walked dogs, I've kept myself busy, I've fulfilled regular tasks and duties. But it's been such a massive effort to do so.

My mood has been at the lowest ebb it's ever been; at least in terms of having no tangible reason for it. I've not lost my job, become seriously ill, suffered a bereavement. So I've pursued my life as best I can because I've not felt justified in kicking off my shoes and letting the world go by while I sleep it off.

Physically, I've felt poorly. I've been full of fever - flushes, shivers, stretching, tiredness uncured by actual sleep, headaches. I've got the most hacking cough in the world which three different over-the-counter products have failed to shift. My stomach feels like my throat has been cut, yet when I have got something to eat, two mouthfuls and the appetite to feed myself has entirely disappeared. I've had a weird feeling of both pain and hunger in my stomach all week.

People tell me this is my body shutting down after the accident, telling me 'no more'. I work split shifts on the radio, including nights, plus the club on a Saturday. I am at my most tired on a Sunday morning when I can climb into bed and sleep all day. I haven't had an alcoholic drink for two weeks, and rarely partake anyway. I sleep well, if slightly unconventionally. Exercise comes courtesy of two miles a day with the dogs. I haven't smoked for four and a half years. So much of my life is lived correctly, and yet...

However, as I'm typing this, you can sense I'm feeling better. All I have now is the cough. The only thing on my mind otherwise is that I'm back at the club tonight, two weeks after the accident, and snow is forecast again...

2 April 2008

Put a 'X' next to my name

Bear with me, I'll be back. Not coping well at the moment.

30 March 2008

"Parking tickets are your responsibility, sir..."

I've been given a Fiat Bravo as my courtesy car. I've never driven any type of Fiat before, but it seems a decent car after a couple of drives.

A couple of initial teething problems; firstly, unlike Ford cars, you need the ignition key to lock your petrol cap in place on the Bravo. This is fine, except because I am a) useless, and b) all fingers and thumbs, I couldn't lock the bloody thing up after putting a week's worth of unleaded in the tank. I placed the cap precariously in the slot, shut the fuel door and drove the short distance home from the garage before the queue of drivers waiting to use the petrol pump became too long.

I got home, parked in the driveway and tried it again. No luck. Just couldn't twist the key at the right moment with the cap in the right slot at presumably the right time of day with the planets aligned in the right way. It was Friday teatime, and the milkman was wandering around collecting his money for the week. With a grin on his face, he sorted the petrol cap for me (though he struggled initially too).

The other problem involves the heating. All the buttons which turn the temperature up, or down, or switch on the aircon, or the eco-heating, or the fan, bear symbols which I simply do not recognise. Fortunately I have yet to freeze or fry in the car and hopefully by the time such a day comes, I'll have got round to reading the manual.

Still, the radio's good. And my car should be ready in a fortnight.