"There's the four thousand I owe you, plus a thousand compensation..."

Corrie time again, then. Despite its success at the NTV Awards, it hasn't been the most amazing of eras lately, but it's picking up again. Observations I would have right now include...

1: The "Sylvia falls for over-tanned American" storyline was absolute garbage, and I'm glad it's over.

2: Becky will be missed for a very, very long time. In terms of providing the character of the troubled, feisty, demonised young woman that Coronation Street always needs, there isn't another candidate on the cobbles at all.

3: Brian is very funny, but Julie gets right on my nerves.

4: The actress who plays Lesley the Alzheimers sufferer is playing a blinder.

5: Nobody cares that Rosie Webster has gone, and the storyline leading to her exit was suitably useless and vacuous.

6: With the show about to move to the MediaCity complex in Salford, it's no wonder that suddenly characters are making references to their Salford "heritage" in scripts.

7: Since when has Gail been seen drinking too much? It was always a "port and lemon for Phyllis and an orange juice for me" in her days of having a quick one after a day's work at the cafe. There's rarely a bottle of wine open at home, she's never drunk spirits and I can't recall any past storyline which has shown her roaring drunk. Suddenly though, she's a borderline alcoholic who is stealing her mum's gin during the day...

8: Nigel Havers is ace squared. Hope he's back for a good while. Though it's a surprise that he hasn't (yet) been told that Audrey has since seen off a wine-loving transvestite since he did one to the Caribbean.

9: Tina can't be only just 21, surely? It feels like she's been in the show forever, and in a good way. Time for her and Tommy to do the business. They would threaten to be the best looking couple in Corrie history if so.

10: I'm sure it's in the pipeline, but at any point is there going to be an acknowledgement that Betty isn't coming back?

"Don't stop the rock from the house hip-hop..."

Q The 80s was on over the weekend, and my goodness me was it fun. The songs we selected carefully for the show are listed below...

Deacon Blue "Wages Day"
Rochelle "My Magic Man"

Dazz Band "Let It All Blow"
The Jets "Love Makes The World Go Round"

Christopher Cross "Arthur's Theme (Best That You Can Do)"
The Police "Don't Stand So Close To Me '86"

Double Trouble & the Rebel MC "Just Keep Rockin'"
Pink Floyd "When The Tigers Broke Free"

Shakatak "Invitations"
UB40 "Sing Our Own Song"

FLOPPY DISC:
Gary Numan "New Anger"

Susan Fassbender "Twilight Cafe"
Temptations "Treat Her Like A Lady"



Marilyn "Cry And Be Free"
Killing Joke "Love Like Blood"

Squeeze "Is That Love"
Hazel O'Connor "D Days"

Rush "Countdown"
Level 42 "Tracie"

Leon Haywood "Don't Push Don't Force It"
Morrissey "The Last Of The Famous International Playboys"

Ultravox "Same Old Story"
Sade "Paradise"

Gibson Brothers "Mariana"
Traveling Wilburys "Handle With Care"

THE NOBODY'S DIARY:
Matt Fretton "It's So High"



Jesus & Mary Chain "Darklands"
Lionel Richie "Stuck On You"

Bangles "Hazy Shade Of Winter"
The Beat "Can't Get Used To Losing You"

Dead Or Alive "You Spin Me Round (Like A Record)"
Joan Armatrading "Me Myself I"

W.A.S.P. "The Real Me"
Thompson Twins "Love On Your Side"

Imagination "Just An Illusion"
Mental As Anything "Live It Up"



Rod Stewart "If Loving You Is Wrong (I Don't Want To Be Right)"
Stranglers "(Get A) Grip (On Yourself)"

Pointer Sisters "I Need You"
Marillion "Heart Of Lothian"

FLOPPY DISC:
Teddy Pendergrass & Whitney Houston "Hold Me"

John Lennon "Woman"
Cashflow "Mine All Mine"

Krush "House Arrest"
Big Country "East Of Eden"

The show is repeated on Thursday at 6pm, and then the next edition will turn up on Q Radio on Sunday at the same time. You can find us here or on Freeview channel 716...

The 's' was a dollar symbol

Q The 80s is on this weekend, as ever. Three hours of mesmerising 80s tunes that combine the familiar with the forgotten. The embed below will appear...



... as will a song teased by the title of this blog. There will also be another entry from The Nobody's Diary - the acts that never quite made it - and two Floppy Discs, the singles from major artists that failed.

Q Radio is on Freeview channel 716 or online here, and we start at 6 o'clock on Sunday evening. See you there...

Hair extensions not pictured

Whitney Houston didn't represent my preferred taste in music, but she was brilliant, no question. Her appearance on Top Of The Pops to sing live in 1987 will always define her to her British fans.

"She wondered what was the fuss all about..."

Q The 80s was on tip-top form at the weekend, and sounded like this...

Pet Shop Boys "Domino Dancing"
Al Jarreau "Mornin'"

Roachford "Cuddly Toy"
Funk Master "It's Over"

Grover Washington Jr. "Just The Two Of Us"
Polecats "John I'm Only Dancing"



Simple Minds "Glittering Prize"
Vanessa Paradis "Joe Le Taxi"

808 State "Pacific State"
Pat Benatar "All Fired Up"

FLOPPY DISC:
Marc Almond "Melancholy Rose"

U2 "Desire"
Melba Moore "Love's Comin' At Ya"

Living In A Box "Living In A Box"
Kate Bush "Experiment IV"

Queen "Breakthru"
David Grant "Stop And Go"

Swing Out Sister "Breakout"
Status Quo "A Mess Of The Blues"

Hot Chocolate "No Doubt About It"
Iron Maiden "Running Free"

Alison Moyet "That Ole Devil Called Love"
Musical Youth "Never Gonna Give You Up"

Visage "Fade To Grey"
Cameo "Candy"

THE NOBODY'S DIARY:
Bill Squier "The Stroke"



Dexys Midnight Runners "Because Of You"
UFO "Young Blood"

Jaki Graham "Round And Around"
Icicle Works "Love Is A Wonderful Colour"

Fuzzbox "Pink Sunshine"
It's Immaterial "Driving Away From Home"

Sheena Easton "Modern Girl"
Style Council "Come To Milton Keynes"

Joy Division "Love Will Tear Us Apart"
Art Of Noise featuring Max Headroom "Paranoimia"



Phil Fearon and Galaxy "Everybody's Laughing"
Twisted Sister "I Am (I'm Me)"

Kinks "Come Dancing"
Lisa Lisa and Cult Jam with Full Force "I Wonder If I Take You Home"

FLOPPY DISC:
Diana Ross "Tenderness"

Malcolm McLaren "Madam Butterfly"
D-Mob featuring Gary Haisman "We Call It Acieed"

Helen Terry "Love Lies Lost"
Four Tops "When She Was My Girl"

All jolly good fun, and back next Sunday at 6pm once again. The repeat of this show is on Thursday at the same time. Q Radio is online here or on Freeview channel 716.

She was 14 going on 19

Q The 80s is back this weekend, filling the airwaves with eighties goodness and generally contributing without parallel to the good of civilisation. Sunday evening on Q Radio, 6pm, here or on Freeview channel 716.

The title of this blog entry helps you towards the identity of one song, and this embed below leads you to another.



Meanwhile, we have two more Floppy Discs - failed singles from major artists - and yet another entry from The Nobody's Diary, celebrating the acts of the 1980s that didn't quite make it.

See you Sunday...!

Gym class heroes

Still visiting the gym three times a week and I think it's beginning to have an effect at last night. I still weigh a metaphorical ton, but it looks a bit more even and proportioned.

Eventually you start to bump into and recognise the same characters week by week when you wander into the gym. You notice their habits, their routines, their attire, their dedication.

Some, like me, wander in wearing their workout kit and wander out in it too, others spend ages getting changed into their gear and come into the room with a towel round their neck, grip-enhancing gloves on their hands and a branded suck flask containing no doubt some nutritionally recommended liquid for between chases or pumps.

Included in my small municipal gym's clientele are:-

* Loud bodybuilder
A late 30s guy with muscles, real muscles, and unafraid via his sleeveless attire and very short shorts to show them off. Talks to anyone who walks in unless they appear to be of similar build to him. Especially keen to offer anecdotes about when he used to train in a "proper" gym (as opposed to this publicly-owned dump, presumably) and likes communicating with the array of sparrow-kneecapped sixth formers just starting out in their gym experience. Will make at least one lewd comment about a pop star on the televisions per session.

* Lonely cyclist
Prematurely bald professional who is "between jobs" and separated from his wife, and spends more than an hour of his frustrated time on the exercise bike, pretty much every day, only getting off it once he has consumed every word of that day's edition of The Sun, which he perches on the handlebars. Will also then spend ages on the cross trainer and lifting a few dumb-bells before wiping the sweat off his pate and walking the three miles home, all the while not spending any of his redundancy money or having to deal with his ex.

* Sixth formers
As mentioned, an inexhaustible number of teenage lads attached to the school that owns the "health centre" using their lunch breaks, free periods and post-school hours to have pointless mini-competitions with the weights, often looking as though their heads may explode in doing so.

* Make up girl
Blonde lass, mid 30s, always in a black jogging suit and such a full face of make-up that she must be supremely confident that her long sessions on the cross trainer and rowing machine still won't make her sweat. At all.

* Hirsute villager
Grey-bearded chap at least in his late 50s who is on for a heart attack with every weight he lifts and, if alone in the room, puts Radio 4 on, leading to the incongruous sight of him straining to drag 50 kilos behind his shoulders while The Archers is on.

* Impatient friend to all
Only slightly younger than the above (and clean shaven) who switches from machine to machine after only one go on each, and is happy to say hello to everyone who walks in, irrespective of gender, age or familiarity, as if he has joined the gym just to meet people.

* Shames us all
Chap in his 20s who acts normal, uses the equipment properly and generally is unremarkable. Then, when getting ready for his post-workout shower, he removes his false leg in front of everyone.

Still doing four rounds of weights and then 144 sit ups - six lots of 24 - and I really love it. My only alteration is the use of two 10kg dumb-bells now instead of 8kg. I don't think it's going to make massive physical alterations, ultimately, but nevertheless I wish I'd started going years ago.

"Just look towards the west and find a friend..."

Q The 80s was on again at the weekend, and was its usual giving, heartwarming self. Oh yes. These are the songs we elected to play...

Peter Gabriel "Games Without Frontiers"
Marilyn "You Don't Love Me"

Transvision Vamp "I Want Your Love"
David Joseph "You Can't Hide Your Love From Me"

The Cure "Just Like Heaven"
Limahl "Only For Love"



Julian Cope "World Shut Your Mouth"
Yazz "Where Has All The Love Gone"

Swansway "Soul Train"
Rainbow "All Night Long"

FLOPPY DISC:
OMD "Dreaming"

Mr Mister "Broken Wings"
Natasha "Iko Iko"

Michael Jackson & Paul McCartney "The Girl Is Mine"
Darling Buds "Hit The Ground"

Blondie "The Tide Is High"
ACDC "Heatseeker"

The Beat "Hands Off She's Mine"
REO Speedwagon "Take It On The Run"

Tina Turner "Private Dancer"
Zodiac Mindwarp & the Love Reaction "Prime Mover"

Tears For Fears "Everybody Wants To Rule The World"
Audrey Hall "Smile"

Elton John "Nikita"
Stone Roses "What The World Is Waiting For"

THE NOBODY'S DIARY:
B-Movie "Remembrance Day"



Red Box "For America"
Eurythmics "Revival"

Joyce Sims "All And All"
Arcadia "Election Day"

Talking Heads "And She Was"
Carmel "Bad Day"

Prince "Girls And Boys"
Ruts "Staring At The Rude Boys"

Giorgio Moroder & Phil Oakey "Together In Electric Dreams"
Primitives "Way Behind Me"

Mantronix "Who Is It"
Japan "Visions Of China"

Genesis "In Too Deep"
Freeez "Pop Goes My Love"

FLOPPY DISC:
Squeeze "Annie Get Your Gun"

Randy Crawford "Rainy Night In Georgia"
Fleetwood Mac "Little Lies"



Proclaimers "Letter From America"
Roman Holiday "Don't Try To Stop It"

The show is repeated on Thursday, and then the next edition will be, as ever, on Sunday. It always starts at 6pm. Q Radio is online here, or you can find it on Freeview channel 716. Oh, and according to the latest RAJAR figures, its audience just keeps on growing. If you ticked us off on a diary recently, then thanks ever so much!

Their biggest hit of 19 in total and the nearest they ever got to the Top 10...

Q The 80s is on this weekend. You'll find us on Q Radio on Sunday, in fact, from 6 o'clock.

The show will feature 45 cracking tunes from the 1980s, some of which you'll know and some of which you might not. The title of this blog entry gives a rather nerdy clue as to the identity of one song, while the embed below blatantly blows the cover of another.



We'll also have two more Floppy Discs - failed singles from major artists - and yet another entry from The Nobody's Diary, a seemingly unending tome of artists who tried to make it in the 1980s but just missed out.

Q Radio is online here, or on Freeview channel 716. Do join us!

"Fashanu... oh what a goal!"

There was an episode of Man About The House during the mid-1970s which revolved around a storyline of the trio's flat being riddled with woodworm. While George Roper's dodgy handyman mate Jerry closed off the flat and applied gallons of wood preserver, the three residents had to grab a few belongings and spend the night in the Ropers' flat downstairs.

The sleeping arrangements produced a small slab of comic confusion. Robin Tripp, whom Mildred Roper was infatuated with, had to share her bed - but with George. The two girls set up camp beds and Mildred herself was content with the sofa.

After a brief exchange between the two men about bedtime "bad habits", George chased Mildred into the hall for a quiet word. He started to express concerns about the prospects of Robin being "a bit, well, you know...".

Mildred's reply: "Well, even if he was - which he isn't - who'd fancy you?"

And last night, while watching the documentary on the continued suspicious attitude to homosexuality in football on BBC3, I thought about George Roper. In fact, whenever there is a debate on homosexuality in a wider context, I always think of that scene. And that's because someone rather, shall we charitably say, "old-fashioned", always makes the outrageous suggestion that gay men will fancy all men, and that's why there is no place for homosexuality in any communal sporting context.

I can cast aside the views of John McGovern, captain of Nottingham Forest when Justin Fashanu played there, as of his era and irrelevant. It's a pity too, as he was a successful assistant manager of Hull City just over a decade ago and now my view of him is permanently clouded. Fashanu remains the only footballer from these islands to come out, and after some shocking treatment from his family (including his younger brother John, at the time of the revelation an England international) and one or two lurid tabloid tales, the elder Fashanu hung himself. It was his niece, John's daughter, who headed last night's documentary.

Today's footballers are, like you and I, a generation that have seen the prejudices of our parents' and grandparents' generations dampened down by a surge from society. Maybe I'm offering them too much credit, and there will be exceptions, but I find it hard to believe that if any footballer, at any team, now declared he was gay, there would be any hostile reaction from his team-mates, or even his opponents. However, the supporters are a different matter entirely. Every club has a sizeable minority of truly awful people who will enjoy the moment and milk it for as long as they can.

When Justin Fashanu declared his homosexuality, his brother was playing for Wimbledon. Their next match was at Crystal Palace, and it was quite a game - it finished 4-3 to the home side. The goals were shown on Saint & Greavsie at the weekend, and there was one extraordinary moment when John Fashanu received the ball and immediately the Palace fans started, as one, to make camp, high-pitched Larry Grayson-esque noises. It was horrid. Fashanu's response was to chip the goalkeeper from 30 yards and silence the lamebrains completely, with the only noise audible as he raised his arms coming from the cheering Wimbledon fans in a corner.

Ultimately, I suspect we haven't moved on from there. Fashanu Major wasn't at an English club when he came out and so we have little anecdotal evidence of how football treated him upon his declaration. The next player to declare he is gay may be supported by the game but still catcalled by opposing fans. Fashanu Minor, guilty by association in the eyes of those vile Palace supporters, shut them up by scoring a stunning goal. Ultimately, all gay footballers will, like footballers who take stick for other reasons, only quieten down the idiots by doing their jobs well, until society has fully rid itself of those that see homosexuality as any kind of issue at all.

"One thousand words are not enough to say what I feel inside..."

Q The 80s was on yesterday. This is how we filled our three allocated hours...

The Waterboys "The Whole Of The Moon"
Narada Michael Walden "Tonight I'm Alright"

Madness "Shut Up"
Sly & Robbie "Boops (Here To Go)"

Toyah "It's A Mystery"
Spandau Ballet "How Many Lies?"

Bon Jovi "You Give Love A Bad Name"
And Why Not? "Restless Days"

A-Ha "The Living Daylights"
Shalamar "Make That Move"

FLOPPY DISC:
Janet Jackson "Funny How Time Flies (When You're Having Fun)"

Modern Romance "Ay Ay Ay Ay Moosey"
Teardrop Explodes "Treason (It's Just A Story)"



Adeva "Warning"
Motorhead "Iron Fist"

Terence Trent D'Arby "If You Let Me Stay"
Department S "Is Vic There"

Bruce Springsteen "Brilliant Disguise"
Evelyn Thomas "High Energy"

Howard Jones "Pearl In The Shell"
Rockers Revenge "The Harder They Come"

Propaganda "Duel"
Queen "Save Me"

Suzanne Vega "Marlene On The Wall"
PiL "Disappointed"

THE NOBODY'S DIARY:
Helloween "I Want Out"



Air Supply "All Out Of Love"
Tippa Irie "Hello Darlin'"

Erasure "Victim Of Love"
Barry White "Sho' You Right"

Heaven 17 "Temptation"
Was (Not Was) "Spy In The House Of Love"

Mac Band featuring the McCampbell Brothers "Roses Are Red"
King "The Taste Of Your Tears"

The Jam "Just Who Is The 5 O'Clock Hero"
Gillan "Trouble"

Maria Vidal "Body Rock"
Keith Sweat "I Want Her"

Bad Manners "Buona Sera"
Robert Palmer "Looking For Clues"

FLOPPY DISC:
Debbie Gibson "Staying Together"

Billy Ocean "Suddenly"
Dead Or Alive "Something In My House"



Ryan Paris "Dolce Vita"
Echo and the Bunnymen "Seven Seas"

We're on each Sunday at 6pm - if you fancy hearing the above show again (because obviously you've already heard it once), then it is repeated this Thursday, again at 6pm. Q Radio is on Freeview channel 716 and online here.

Rumours of one of them having a 'thing' with Wendy James

Q The 80s is on this weekend, as per. You can find this goldmine of broadcasting perfection on Q Radio, which is online here or available via Freeview channel 716.

The song below shall be featured...



...as shall another as teased by the title of this blog. Of the remaining 43, two will be Floppy Discs - failed singles by major artists - and one will be German and drenched in hairspray as it provides our entry from The Nobody's Diary, where we showcase an act of the 1980s that didn't quite make it.

See you on Sunday, 6pm. Word.

And don't forget to pay anything you owe

It's Moira Stuart's most lucrative time of year - indeed, from September to January you'll hear her on almost every breakfast show in the country.

I once suggested to an old boss that there should be an OFCOM issue with her voicing the HMRC adverts on commercial radio while also reading Chris Evans' news - there is potential for listeners to say "hold on, isn't it Moira Stuart also on Radio 2 at this time?" and immediately re-tune. Of course, on Radio 2 her work (reading news bulletins that someone else has written and giggling with difficulty at Evans' stuff) is done by 9am and so she then just dominates the commercial oeuvre instead.

Those adverts reminding the self-employed to sort out their tax returns by the January 31st deadlines are ubiquitous. I can't imagine they are inexpensive, either. They appear at the top of adbreaks and as newslinks too, so they've really spent a lot of, er, taxpayers' money making them and scheduling them. This year, they are also straight down the line - sort it out, pay up on time, or else. The last couple of years have had Moira suggesting that if we get it all done early enough we have time to "play footy in the park" (which didn't sound right coming from her at all) or "have lunch with an old flame" - in her case, Des Lynam, I expect. But HMRC, desperate to appear tough while allowing Vodafone to rip off every adult and child in the country, have ditched the friendly auntie Moira and gone for her authoritative patter instead.

That said, they are doing the right thing. I bumped into my accountant while walking the dogs one day last week and he told me that he is still having clients, new and old, turn up on his doorstep with huge piles of folders and papers asking him to sort it out. Now I took mine round in September, and got notice through a month or so later of how much I owed, and that's allowed me to save up. I can't understand anyone who leaves it so long, risking fines and all sorts of other trouble. So maybe Moira's standpoint is right, as there are many people out there who, like at school when confronted with homework on the last day of the holidays, pretend it isn't there until they can pretend no more. So while Moira's ads may sound like a mild lecture and a spot of condescending finger-pointing, they clearly need to be.

I hope she got her tax return in on time and paid up. Imagine the headlines.

"I'm like a boy among men, I'd like a permanent friend..."

Q The 80s did its stuff this weekend, as ever. It sounded like this...

Fine Young Cannibals "She Drives Me Crazy"
Kool & The Gang "Funky Stuff"

Madonna "Angel"
Timbuk 3 "The Future's So Bright I Gotta Wear Shades"

Simply Red "Ev'ry Time We Say Goodbye"
Judas Priest "United"

Inner City "Do You Love What You Feel"
OMD "Maid Of Orleans (The Waltz Joan Of Arc)"

Eurythmics "It's Alright (Baby's Coming Back)"
Hi Gloss "You'll Never Know"

FLOPPY DISC:
Billy Joel "Leningrad"

The Who "You Better You Bet"
Marc Almond "Bitter Sweet"



Hall & Oates "Kiss On My List"
Dhar Braxton "Jump Back (Set Me Free)"

Blow Monkeys "Digging Your Scene"
All About Eve "Wild Hearted Woman"

ABBA "One Of Us"
Specials "Rat Race"

SOS Band "The Finest"
Thin Lizzy "Cold Sweat"

Taylor Dayne "Prove Your Love"
The Smiths "Bigmouth Strikes Again"

Phil Collins "If Leaving Me Is Easy"
Style Council "Life At A Top People's Health Farm"

THE NOBODY'S DIARY:
Ronnie Bond "It's Written On Your Body"



Ultravox "Dancing With Tears In My Eyes"
Gladys Knight and the Pips "Bourgie Bourgie"

Kajagoogoo "The Lion's Mouth"
Kim Wilde "View From A Bridge"

Whitesnake "Here I Go Again"
Yarbrough & Peoples "Don't Stop The Music"

Depeche Mode "Just Can't Get Enough"
Afrika Bambaataa "Reckless"

Belle Stars "The Clapping Song"
Electribe 101 "Tell Me When The Fever Ended"



Michael Jackson "She's Out Of My Life"
ELO "Calling America"

R.E.M. "Orange Crush"
Pretenders "Message Of Love"

FLOPPY DISC:
Don Henley "The End Of The Innocence"

Donna Summer "Love Is In Control (Finger On The Trigger)"
Bourgeois Tagg "I Don't Mind At All"

Elbow Bones & the Racketeers "A Night In New York"
Hue & Cry "Looking For Linda"

The show is repeated this Thursday at 6pm, with the next edition to follow on Sunday at the same time. You can locate Q Radio by flicking to channel 716 on your Freeview box or listening online here.

Related to Toni just distantly, and even then only by marriage

Q The 80s is on this weekend as usual. You can find us on Q Radio each and every Sunday evening at 6pm, repeated at the same time the following Thursday.

This week's show features a song teased by the title of this blog entry, plus the embed below...



... and two Floppy Discs too, our weekly brace of failed singles by major artists. I'm contemplating giving those a rest soon and replacing them with something similar - but different. Watch this space.

Meanwhile, there will be a song from The Nobody's Diary too, celebrating the acts that never quite made it.

Q Radio is on Freeview channel 716 and online too, right here. Our Twitter hashtag - yeah, I know - appears to have caught on as well. It's #qthe80s, predictably.